I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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