so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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