So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
