Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
