i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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