There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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