I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
