i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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