I think my fart just growled at me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
