hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
