Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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