omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
