he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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