He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
