How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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