I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
