you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
