it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
