she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
