the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
