ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
