I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
