bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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