You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
