I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
