Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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