so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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