I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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