how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
