Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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