sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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