Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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