I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
