Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
