Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
