Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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