Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
