I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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