so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
