After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
someone get that fucking seahorse.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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