I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
