Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
