yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
