Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
