did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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