It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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