i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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