What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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