I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
