Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
