Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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