Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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