I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
