you traded sex for a burrito?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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