He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
